I've always known I'm dumb...I say stupid things and no one ever teached me how to spoke...or how to think a thought in my head before opening my mouth. I've never been able to remember something past the point of rehearsing in my head the phrase "i won't forget that...how could i forget it...i'm thinking about it right now!"
I really never thought I could go downhill from where I was, but then I got knocked up. I have a serious case of the pregnancy brains.
Zero in: I've joined a yoga class with my other pregnant friend. Feeling inadequate and fat compared to the rest group, I'm a tad nervous...but doing pretty good to keep the awkward fidgets and sweats under wraps. I pretend like I've done this before. I set my mat up, sit on it cross legged in my stretchy pants and meditate. The yoga instructor comes up to me, notebook in hand, and calmly asks if she can get my information. I'm excited to tell her all about anything she asks, cause I of course love to talk about myself and my pregnancy is at the top of my list for things I like to share every detail about to anyone who will listen...
"what's your name?"
"how do u spell that?"
"T-I-N-Y and then wild with an E"
"And how pregnant are you?"
"11 wee...." glancing down at her paper, I see the word "tiny" written in place of my name.
idiot. i regret to inform all of you that this did not just happen once.
I take you to another pivotal moment. I'm at a birthday party for a girl in my ward. We've just sung happy birthday and we're eating cake. We get talking about babies and when it is a good time to have babies so they can have good birthdays. We each tell our stories about how our birthdays have significantly affected our lives (white people problems) and I interrupt the birthday girl who is in the middle of telling us about her own story..."when's your birthday?"
everyone gives me 'the look'...you know the one, the one you give people when you pity them and their obvious struggles in life being that dumb. This carries on for longer than it should while I smile my cute, innocent smile and think quietly to myself about how nice it would be to have a birthday in February.
"....today, Tina....her birthday is today."
Don't worry, I completely understand why I don't make friends well.
And today, I was chatting with my coworkers about the weather. We like to do that since we have nothing in common because they could all easily pass as my grandmother. At one point in the conversation, wanting to contribute, I decide to spit out "ya, tomorrow morning it was really cold out". I once again didn't even realize anything and kept waiting for the conversation to carry on. I once again got 'the look'.
I hate that look. I got it enough before and now I'm averaging a steady 2-3 times a day. Even if I didn't have pregnancy brain and could count to 100 without screwing up, I couldn't count how many times Al has said "you're kidding me right?? We JUST talked about that"...cue 'the look'.