I'm Dumb

I've always known I'm dumb...I say stupid things and no one ever teached me how to spoke...or how to think a thought in my head before opening my mouth. I've never been able to remember something past the point of rehearsing in my head the phrase "i won't forget that...how could i forget it...i'm thinking about it right now!"

I really never thought I could go downhill from where I was, but then I got knocked up. I have a serious case of the pregnancy brains.

Zero in: I've joined a yoga class with my other pregnant friend. Feeling inadequate and fat compared to the rest group, I'm a tad nervous...but doing pretty good to keep the awkward fidgets and sweats under wraps. I pretend like I've done this before. I set my mat up, sit on it cross legged in my stretchy pants and meditate. The yoga instructor comes up to me, notebook in hand, and calmly asks if she can get my information. I'm excited to tell her all about anything she asks, cause I of course love to talk about myself and my pregnancy is at the top of my list for things I like to share every detail about to anyone who will listen...
"what's your name?"
"Tina Wilde"
"how do u spell that?"
"T-I-N-Y and then wild with an E"
"And how pregnant are you?"
"11 wee...." glancing down at her paper, I see the word "tiny" written in place of my name.
idiot. i regret to inform all of you that this did not just happen once.

I take you to another pivotal moment. I'm at a birthday party for a girl in my ward. We've just sung happy birthday and we're eating cake. We get talking about babies and when it is a good time to have babies so they can have good birthdays. We each tell our stories about how our birthdays have significantly affected our lives (white people problems) and I interrupt the birthday girl who is in the middle of telling us about her own story..."when's your birthday?"
"February 7th..."
everyone gives me 'the look'...you know the one, the one you give people when you pity them and their obvious struggles in life being that dumb. This carries on for longer than it should while I smile my cute, innocent smile and think quietly to myself about how nice it would be to have a birthday in February.
"....today, Tina....her birthday is today."

Don't worry, I completely understand why I don't make friends well.

And today, I was chatting with my coworkers about the weather. We like to do that since we have nothing in common because they could all easily pass as my grandmother. At one point in the conversation, wanting to contribute, I decide to spit out "ya, tomorrow morning it was really cold out". I once again didn't even realize anything and kept waiting for the conversation to carry on. I once again got 'the look'.

I hate that look. I got it enough before and now I'm averaging a steady 2-3 times a day. Even if I didn't have pregnancy brain and could count to 100 without screwing up, I couldn't count how many times Al has said "you're kidding me right?? We JUST talked about that"...cue 'the look'.

Baby in my belly, you are completely worth it.  I love you and your little fart kicks all day long. :)

pop POP

Well the last few weeks of our little pregnancy lala life has been really quite exciting. My ittty bitty baby started showing itself in the form of my chubby belly, and I don't think anything has ever made me more pleased. So I thought I'd post an extra large picture of myself on my blog because I'm very proud of my big bellaaay. This is actually me TODAY.....almost like an action shot. That should make up for the last few months of my hideous blogging history, riiiiight? 

So I am 17 weeks tomorrow and another fantastic thing that happened was getting over the whole "I'm constantly nauseous and miserable" ordeal. It's gone and I think it's staying away for goodsies. It has been a few weeks without and I feel like catwoman or spiderman or something... pretty sure I can conquer the world. Also, I think even I would make a better catwoman than Anne Hathaway. WTH?

Anne Hathaway as cat woman: bad news.  Life outside closing my eyes and whimpering in my recliner: good news. 

Aaaand although the pregnancy emotions are here to stay, they were pretty much here the whole time so Al should be used to them by now. I just try to avoid conversations with other couples about how often their wife's cry...cause he really doesn't need to hear that sort of thing. 

And one more special surprise for you today....we have a new camera so you don't have to see just iPhone pics anymore! Hooray! For Christmas, we bought a digital SLR...Canon T2i????...if you really want to know ask Al because I was on the couch whimpering. I posted some of the new pics on Facebook and got 0  response from them, so you're only getting a few cause my feelings are hurt...and I'm a pregnant emotional wreck that doesn't handle rejection well.

So I welcome you to the new camera....for a new and improved BLOG....maybe....well, same blog, you'll just be able to see the zits on my face better now.

 Christmas Day, Al put a shirt on a blown up cardboard cutout of Benson and scared the heebidy jeebidties out of his mom.

Me in the greatest outfit I've ever received on Christmas morning opening my new Wok. It is wrapped in a towel. And this picture gets put on here mainly because I'd like you to check out the the residue on my leg. Toothpaste from the day before's shower. Yes, I brush my teeth in the shower. It also made me barf a few times in the shower. But that's not barf, it's toothpaste.  

I think this picture looks like it should be in a magazine. Probably The Ensign.  Bishop Wilde and his first and second favorite grandbaby, Levi. We got to meet Levi over the holidays and I must say I just loved that little fella. What a chubby darling little thing...I LOVE BABIES. 

 Probably the best part of my Christmas holidays. This girl is hilarious. And this picture of her in her princess dress covered in jewelery is just so typical Chlobutt. Her lips aren't getting any smaller, if you didn't notice. And she thought it was really cute to touch my belly to poke "her baby cousin" so that was just kind of adorable.

 No, I never shower and my hair is always in a really ugly bun. Over the holidays, Al didn't shower much either. Luckily we have a camera that can capture it all in it's beauty.

 I did shower for Al's birthday. And made him a cake. It is the first cake I've made him...yup, just stick with me and maybe four years later I'll do something nice for you.

 Effortless artistry (by me).

Well, FOR CUTE! so handsome he is!

Secrets

While we were home at my mom's house for Christmas, my uncle and his wife who I only see about twice a year came to visit. It was Christmas Eve so everyone was over at the house including all five babies. My uncle sat next to me on the couch and starting asking me about what we were up to...and I asked him what was new with his family cause I'm super polite like that. He told me his daughter in law was pregnant and then immediately after said "whoops, I don't think I'm supposed to tell anyone that..." Luckily, five babies make quite a bit of noise so I was the only one who heard it....and I promised him I wouldn't say anything and would act like nothing eeeever even happened (clearly enjoying my uncle bonding time). Well about 2.5 minutes later, my aunt starting chatting me up and about 10 seconds into that conversation I asked her (proclaiming to absolutely everyone in the room)..."so is (insert cousin's name here) going to find out what she's having??!?!" 

Oops. 

It was sufficiently awkward.

Moral of the story...I am awful at keeping secrets. 

Another moral of the story...I've been keeping a pretty LARGE secret for the past three months and it's been....well it's been interesting. I just try not to speak unless spoken to and that's seemed to work...kind of. Good thing the people I did accidentally tell are excellent at keeping secrets! 

Yup, we're having a baby!! We were so excited to find out that we didn't even put the cap back on the pee stick. Just waved that pee around for all to see...like the proud parents we are.

Our baby is due sometime around June 27. The dates are a little wonky but it's sometime around then. We had an ultrasound really early and the tech told me I was nine weeks but whoever transcribed the ultrasound report typed 8 weeks...gotta hate those transcriptionists.

Here's a pic of when we very first found out. And when I was still exercising and feeling like a functioning human being. That was a nice feeling...if I remember correctly..

Just a few weeks later. Before my boobs were the size of watermelons.

And this was at like 10 weeks or something...I'm now about 15 and look much chubbier than this. And seriously, my boobs are giant.

Being pregnant is really quite hilarious. I had no clue pregos felt this sick...and bawling your eyes out at the Kindergarten Christmas Concert is normal...right?

We're just so very happy about our lives right now. I just keep thinking about all the love we have in our lives and feeling so blessed to have it. And so incredibly blessed to be able to share that love with our little nugget.

I couldn't ask for a better baby daddy. I have one more day before he goes back to school...so I'm going to go enjoy it. I'm even offered to go play basketball with him...yes, that's how in love I am!

Virtual Tour

As previously promised to a total of 2 people (of whose opinions I obviously hold of upmost prestige), I took some pictures of my house and am posting them. I even got out the old point and shoot, even though I am 100% positive Al's 4G takes 100% better pictures. I think my point and shoot started giving me attitude when I had it set up on three books on the back of the couch doing a balancing act while me and my roomates made a dancing movie. Needless to say, it dropped and broke for a few days. It did come back to life, but has SUCKED ever since. 

Enjoy your grainy pictures. Any complaints, send some money for me to afford a new cam.                                    

Our kitchen is my favorite. I thought that I would hate how closed off it is, but I ended up obsessed with it. It's like my own little space and I love the cupboards and counter top. The floor is disgusting and I can't believe I missed that cup on our portable dishwasher. I tried so hard to move all the messes BEHIND me so they weren't in the shoot, but you can't win em all can ya? Sometimes, that cup wins.

The living/dining room. I really have nothing to say except that in front of the map is where our other couch is going to go and taking a picture of a chandelier is hard work and I made that deer head out of foam board. It is seriously so ugly but it took so much freaking bloody time that I decided to hang it up. That little wood table in front of the couch serves a lot more purpose than our dining room table...which is still our favorite J, don't worry.

I like the arches in our house....including the front entrance. The shoe organization going on here is an extremely rare occurence.  Savor it.

This is the duvet cover I made the other day! I found this fabric at thrift village (I sound so cool) and was like "I'm going to make a duvet cover out of this, and a dress, and a little girls matching dress, and put some of it into the quilt I'm making!" turns out I didn't even have enough for the duvet cover, but I made it work. I LOOVE IT.

Try to ignore that laundry hamper.  That thing is a DUMP. I've had it since I was like 14 and obsessed with black and my mom let me paint my room black and dresser black and dye my hair black...and get a black laundry hamper. why mom? why? look at that, i just officially got too lazy for proper punctuation...oh my gosh i'm going to fall aslsldfkseeeeep.

This is the dresser I painted. You can't really see the color that great in this shot, but it's maroon and I LOVE IT too. I love everything about our room except the laundry hamper. Oh look, I'm capitalizing again. Special.

And here is where Al is ALWAYS. He is supposed to build shelves in here to put his disgusting amount of text books on instead of in boxes and all over the floor like they are but he is studying all the time so when is he going to build shelves?

I am way too tired for this post but I wanted to show Sam my cute door knobs....I think you can see them in the hallway picture. The picture I tried taking of the door knob itself was actually seriously gross. It was like a mess of light and grain and someone give me some money for a camera pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

Alright then, I think I'l take a nap on my desk. Yes, my desk. Yes, I am at work.

Al-Poo

The other day I had youtubed the song Someone Like You by Adele and was listening to it. Al discovered a while ago that he likes her songs so has listened to a few...and after we listened and watched the video he was like "see...(clearly he'd been thinking about this for a few minutes)...she has a cool voice and everything...but you can sing better than her." Now, my dear sweet little readers, I can't sing. I DO sing all the freaking time and pretend that I can and make Alan listen to the entire song every time I want to pretend I'm a fame-bot...but I'm rotten at it. And he was completely and utterly serious about his epiphany.

I call them love goggles. Or wait, maybe I call them marriage goggles. Crap I can't remember now but it's one of those two and you get the point. Marriage/love...same thing....well for us anyways...and I hope for you too. Really, I hope that! Marriage goggles are worn to trick you into thinking your wife is glorious beyond all compare when she really is a frumpy, dumpy mess who has developed dementia at the ripe age of 22.

They are the best. They trick him into thinking I am the freaking-sweets. Alan thinks I'm skinnny...no he really thinks that you guys. He says I look like a super model. FUNNY RIGHT? And he thinks I'm funny. It usually takes me about 10 to 15 minutes to think of a witty retort or quote from 30 rock (those usually come faster), but even after I leave the room and come back to say my hilarious comment from the conversation half an hour ago, he always has a good, real laugh.  None of this courtesy crap (I don't believe in courtesy laughs BTW, so neither does he). He loves my hair. He thinks it's the nicest hair anyone's ever had! (or something like that). My hair is the worst. If Mango Tango is reading this, she can back me up on this, and she's a hairdresser, you know. I take horrible care of my already thin stringy hair so it's even more thin and stringy and also I'm a tard and don't know how to style it without looking like a wet rat.

I love Alan and his marriage goggles. I love that he wears them and that he glued them to his forehead for eternity.

It's not our anniversary or anything, I just wanted to say that I love Al. He wears a stethescope to school. And spending every spare second with him is just a delectable and darn good-looking treat.

I wrote this like a week ago and forgot that I had...but now that I'm posting it I'm realizing this could be a thanksgiving post! I am THANKFUL for ALAN!

CH-CHANGE

Change is good. Change is so good, in fact, that I am going to put it as the title of my blog post and pretend to blog about it but probably go off ranting about some stupid angry tangent. But for now, let us discuss all things "change".

I started my new job today! I have been at orientation for two days (woof) and today started work (woof). Yes, we all know I despise a good job but, nevertheless, I'm excited about this new one of mine. I'm working at the university hospital right next to my big boy Al-Bear...could that be any more picture perfect and adorable? We get to drive together every morning and walk two glorious hours together from the parking lot to the hospital...I'm sure it will be truly magical every morning when it's 40 below and my eyes and nose are frozen shut and my legs feel like 300 lbs of rock solid ice. Can't wait. So yes, my new job is in the Pathology Department and it's just very new and different and the people I work with are in the same generation as me and I'm very excited despite the fact that I can't sit on my couch and watch Say Yes to the Dress all day anymore. Cause that was kind of freaking awesome.

More things concerning change: this new city. Saskatoon is singing to me. It's singing me songs like "I'm so pretty and look at my river and all the paths to run and walk on and look how nice everyone is and how all the people in the church here are so tight....like for reeeaaallsss...la la la". I think Saskatoon just made that one up on the spot but it was pretty good...I mean for improv and everything. I am just really enjoying our new life out here. I read a quote on Pinterest (get ready for a tangent on that) that said something liiiike..."home is where you are". Or something super gay. But gay stuff almost always makes me cry...including that inappropriate image I have of Jim Carrey in that one gay movie he made...but I just decided I need to stop being homesick and realize that I AM home cause my Al-Bum is here. And he's a tarty fart sweetie pie with a great ass butt.

And then there is Pinterest. I have so much to say to you Pinterest but all I can say is beware if you are a stay at home mom or if you have a job because you will have to quit that job due to excessive scrolling and pinning and clicking and reading and planning and dreaming...OH PINTEREST WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

Ok ok ok. I'll refrain. Another change (can you believe I'm still on topic...holy crap). We have been eating healthier in our house. I promised I wouldn't blog about this until I lost 10 lbs...but every time I almost make it there I go to Dairy Queen so whatever....screw it (I am obviously the BEST at dieting). I started WeightWatchers a while ago. I did it good for like 3 weeks and ever since just kind of don't do it. But I do eat waaaaay healthier. And I feel golden. Like I'm made of gold. And I poop at least twice a day. And if you know me, you know that poop is pretty much gold to me. Did I just hear you judging me?

Eating healthier makes you feel better. End of story. I still eat crap, but just not constantly. Did I just hear you being proud of me?

I hung this picture up in my house. I got it off a little thing I liked to call Pinterest and just printed it right off our totally rad and free printer. I was impressed with that little gaffer! It's just a nice picture that makes me think of me and Al and this little journey we are currently embarking on....a journey I like to call LIFE...(I figured I might as well take that lame little comment and run with it). 

Up up and away!

Well I know I promised ONE of you that I would blog my house but I haven't cleaned it ever yet so just keep waiting and your patience will pay off in the end....I'm sure. I also am missing a couch but we can work around that I think. Can't we? Come on, we can do it!!! Ok umm happy birthday to Chloe this weekend and Chloe if you're listening I love you and tell your mom you want to come to my house far away and visit me.

hello my name is unemployed

Ok hi fine I'll post a dumb blog. I now officially reside in Saskatoon. My life is so strange right now...strangely glorious. I am unemployed...coming up on a month now...and I am obsessed with being unemployed. That's all you really need to know. I don't want a job. But still I seek employment at every clinic and hospital in the city...what is my freaking problem? I actually already have a job but just haven't started yet. And am open to someone paying me more. So ya...that's where I am right now. Uuuuuuh Sasktoon is pretty. It really is...I'm not just blowing smoke out my behind. It's gorgeous here. And people are very friendly and we're making friends and yada yada yada it's great. But I'm still 7 hours away from my sister...so I'm not going to say I love Saskatoon quite yet...don't get your hopes up high in the sky fly high bird sky. ...  .....?

Al has started med school. His class consists of about 80 students and he is the only married one and the only one who doesn't look like they're 12 too. Anyways he comes home from school the other day...and I was jabbering about something unimportant and stupid that somebody unimportant and possibly stupid did to me and he responds by saying "ass wipe." I about crapped myself (I have never heard Al swear before) and realized that my husband is a changed man. He swore three more times that day.

I must tell you, I have a swearing obsession. Minus the big F bomb, I like to swear. I think it's funny and I have been known to have a problem. Since being married to and just generally being around my in-laws, I have learned to not do it very much ever...but I still secretly have a dirty mouth. Just don't tell my mother in law. Actually, you can, I'm sure she can sense what I'm going to say when I stop myself in the middle of my story after.. saying "what a b....". Uuuuh.

So anyways, short story long, I feel like our lives are going to be very different around here. And that makes me happy because it's a good change. Not just the swearing thing, but just US in general. But Al is already too busy for me to handle and me too not busy but I can handle it. So if anyone in Sasktoon is out there and ALSO bored, I AM HERE and I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND.

Here are some pictures for you and yours. Out of order, just like you like them.

 This is me in a giant hand coming out of the ground.

 This is a photo I Instagram'd of me and Smashy. Oh how I miss that baby. Don't make me cry stop talking about it!

 This is my favorite person in the world who I also miss even though he's only about 15 feet away. In his new office studying. Good thing the Bach Pad comes on in 25 minutes! WHAAAAAAAAAT best show ever.

 Saskatoon is pretty. Remember how I told you that already?

 Saskatoon also has a few beaches. Ya, beaches. And me and Al spent lots of time on them before he started school cause we both had no job and no friends.

 We like to ride our bikes even though I sit crooked on mine so my crotch gets really sore on the left side after about 30 minutes. Totally worth it cause the paths here are pretty. But I already told you that.

 See! Big sexy beach!

 Another thing we did before school started was go couch shopping. We couch shopped so much that I actually yelled at Alan to just PICK ONE because I was SICK of looking at them! And then the next day we took this one home and I'm sitting in it and it's so comfy and you are jealous of my new couch!

Oh and I just noticed myself in the mirror behind snapping the photo! Always a good thing to find! ha ha awesome!

Freaking Alan took me to the fair. I freaking love him and also I love things that little kids love...and I love them as much as little kids do and I act exactly like a little kid at them.

BYE BYE NOW. I typed this post in 10 minutes. Love you. I especially love you for not finding me and killing me after having put you through this torture! HA better luck next time...as in next time my post will be better k I promise.