Tuesday, May 7, 2013


If any of you don't follow The Bloggess, well then you should, cause she's a riot. She posted a "rules for life" list today, and I can't help but repost it because it made me laugh and want to kick some people in the back and spray paint some serious x's on foreheads. I will edit it for you because even though I enjoy a good cuss word now and then, I'm sure I'm alone among my readers.

1. Don’t be shit*y. (that's how I edit swear words...)

2. Don’t make happy people sad. 

3. Don’t make sad people sadder.

4. If more than two people tell you that you’re being an asshole (not a real cuss word), consider that maybe you’re being an asshole.

5. Flush the toilet behind you.  You’re grossing us all out.

6. Support the under-dog.

7. Critics aren’t automatically bullies and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you ignore all of them out of hand.  That being said, it sucks to read shi**y stuff about yourself so find an honest friend to read your criticism and tell you if it’s something worth listening to or if the critic is just a crazy BLEEPING ________ (fill in the blank yourself, have fun with it)-canoe.

8. Real bullies are complete assholes but they can’t recognize themselves as such so maybe spray paint an “x” on their forehead so that we can all just recognize them from a distance and ignore them.

9. Be stupid.  Be childlike.  Be ridiculous.  Be happy.

10. Don’t use the word “literally” when you really mean “figuratively”.  It literally makes me want to stab you a little but I don’t do it because that’s illegal and also because I have a very limited amount of knives.

11. Read more.  Watch shows that inspire you.  Embrace whatever makes you geek out.  Even if it’s Laura Ingalls.  Because Laura Ingalls is fascinating and there’s nothing wrong with obsessively knowing every detail about her life and death.  Stop judging me.  

12. Bite off more than you can chew.  You can always spit it out on the floor if you decide you don’t like it.  Women do it all the time.

12b. Embrace your flaws and foibles.  If people make fun of you, kick them in the back and then blame it on a ghost.

14. Don’t let other people on the internet tell you what to do.  Unless it’s this list.  Then I guess just use your best judgement.

15. Become a pirate.  Or a monster truck.  Or a space toddler.  Or a jacket.  That’s my favorite one.  I just jump on someone’s back and say “Sorry.  You looked cold.  Zip me up.”  It’s awesome.

16. Do something nice for someone you love.

17. Do something nice for a perfect stranger.

18. Do something nice for you.

19. Do ‘The Robot’.

20.  Add your own.  Go ahead.  You can’t EFF this up any more than I have.

So to add my own -

21. Dance around your house like an idiot.Flap your arms like a goose and make your husband tell you he thinks it's cute.

22. Be kind. Just not to the old man in the white van that's been following you around for the past few days.

23. Be who you want to be, and don't compare yourself to people who are different than you (so everyone) (this ones for me, because it's the worst thing I do...)

24. Be open minded.

25. Act like you live in Hawaii. Don't do your hair. Don't shower. Take the garbage out in your underwear and no shoes and wave to the neighbors.

There's a few for today, things I needed to tell myself...things I needed to hear. Also things I did/do on a regular basis. We are MASSIVELY enjoying the warm weather that has arrived, being completely forgiving of its punctuality. I decided I'm allowed to wear no clothes after the months of torture this city has caused me. So stay far away from my house....or at least call first.

And for an update on my Hen, he's still pretty awesome.