Wednesday, October 10, 2012

feelings, nothing more than feelings

Lately, I catch myself smiling a lot. Just smiling...a big fat grin across my big fat face (ha ha ok it's not THAT fat) but I love it. I have always struggled with being genuinely happy all the time and optimistic....a lot of the time I have to force myself to look at the positive things and be happy about all the wonderful things I have but lately, I'm just smiling! No effort needed.

Henry has changed my whole life. He has changed me in every way. Some bad (tore me apart in an area I would have loved to stay intact) but mostly, and pretty much only, good.

I love being a mom. LOOOVE it. I finally feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and what my body and my personality was meant to do. Even when Henry is crying and just wants me to play with him or snuggle him and even when he's screaming while I try and take the 15 layers off so he can get some boob, I am smiling at him. Everything he does is cute! His screaming is cute. His sneezes that cover his face in snot are cute. His big poops up his back and into his neck rolls are cute. 

Everyone says the same thing and I figured "oh ya, suuuure, you're just saying that to sound cool", but really, no really, I did not know I could love this much. 

And I love Alan even more than I did before. 

I am planning to post some new pics this week....but am feeling blessed and thankful and wanted to write it down but didn't feel like getting a hand cramp so veto'd the journal. 

Henry, you make me happy as a clam at high tide. 

(a pic from today)
((he won't smile for pictures - suuuuch a brat))
(((i need a new phone...i'm getting the 5...cause i am also a brat)))


Kristen said...

This is the best post I've read. I'm soooooo happy for you (and jealous!!). You sound like such a good mommy. And Henry is adorable!!!

brock + amy said...

I really love this post.

The Seaborns said...

I loved this!! And Hazel will NOT smile for the camera either. I have to be so sneaky to catch a smile.

Jennie Holt said...

awwww too adorable for words. Henry is always making me smile too, what a good little chub.