an excruciatingly long post about our trip

Ok so I was going to just save everyone the time and energy of loading up my blog page to see the pictures of our trip and was going to just post them on FB, but I looked and it's been almost a few years since I posted pictures on there and I probably lost my privileges or something. Plus, FB friends are so judgemental. I know my blog friends won't judge me for showing pics of my marriage weight...you guys still love me right?

So here you are, a whole bunch of pretty horrible pictures from our pretty awesome cruise in the Caribbean!

Really excited to get going to Miami. This pic was taken after forcing Al to get up 3 hours early so we could make it to Calgary with enough time to run to American Apparel to pick up something...just real quick...only took me like an hour and a half. Haha, sucks to be a husband sometimes. 

Here's us on the plane. I don't remember hating flying so much...I get more pathetic every day. Or maybe I hated it because we didn't eat anything the entire day because everything in the airport is triple the price of normal life and I am super defiant so refused to buy anything so I just drank Coke the whole day because that is the only free thing they give you. So I was sick both times we flew....but the view from Dallas to Miami was seriously amazing. We flew over the gulf of Mexico!

First day on the boat.  Gettin ready to go try out the pool. We pretty much only swam in that thing once cause it was significantly disgusting...about the size of a queen sized bed with about 40 sunscreened-lathered, sweaty bodies in it. And salt water. So we had to eat ice cream all day to cool us off. It was rough.

The boat leaving Miami. Not to mention, a DANCE PARTY down on the main deck. partyin, partyin, YA!

The first day on the ship was mother's day and also our one year anniversary (NBD). These were my mother's day gifts. Little did they know...I'm not a mom.....oooh ya, I scammed that brownie good!

We would have went down the waterslide more, but every time we climbed the stairs, the black rubber burned the bottoms of our feet, and it really hurt. So instead of wearing shoes up to the top, we just allowed ourselves about one slide a day...and it was the BEST.

 Us on the boat again...most of our pictures looked like this.

 Alan is a handsome devil and the sunsets on the ocean were so pretty.

Plus size models can be sexy too, right! Don't you watch America's Next Top Model? This is my new fav swimsuit that would look better on someone else but that I still bought and wore the whole trip cause I felt like it. I just noticed this picture is really dark...oh well!

Here's a pic of my big bum in my swim suit. I thought this picture was cool. And since you guys aren't judging me for any of these pictures, I figured I'd post it.

 These pics are us in Grand Cayman. Al was pretty excited about the second picture.

He was excited about this picture too. As hideous as it is, I still like it because it reminds me of that time I napped on the beach in Cayman like four times in the span of a couple hours. 

My favorite picture of the trip. Dinner was so delicious every night. And so were the appetizers and dessert...every night (you should really go on a cruise).

 

Us sucking our chins in. That picture of Al is funny and the one of me I think Al covered the flash or something.  Still working on that photography business. 

These pictures are from Belize. We went cave tubing in the jungle and it was really freaking sweet. Those pictures are on a disposable under water camera. I don't even know how to get them developed but if I ever do and ever figure out how to scan them, then I might share them!

 Alan sucking his chin in again at the theatre...waiting for the show to start.

 I had my first legitimate crush while being married on the ship. I was (slash am) in love with the star singer of all the shows. He was so super gay, but I couldn't help it...you should have seen his butt in all those costumes...daaayammm.

 Best part of the trip for REAL was scuba diving. Like put a 50 lb tank on my back and take me to the bottom of the ocean for an hour scuba diving. It was like Finding Nemo down there, incredible. More pictures of that hopefully on another disposable camera. And also, I know how cute I look in that picture. My hair does really well in salt water. I might as well have grown up in California.

So scuba'ing was in Izla Roatan, Honduras. It was HOT there and in this picture I originally had shorts on but they got all wet and it looked like I peed them so I took them off  and wrapped a towel around me. Then I got a rash from walking around with sweaty sticky fat salt-covered thighs.

 A better picture of the scuba trip.

 I was so happy after I saw that I had captured these two doing this. I wish I had the ability to make friends so I had their email so I could send it to them.  I wasn't trying to be creepy, I was just trying to get a picture of the island and I was in the back of a boat strapped to a 50 lb oxygen tank.

 At the comedy club.

 The comedy club had cool carpet that I ripped out and brought home with me to put in our house.

 We love acting like dogs.....like no we actually do.

Elephanto.

 Cutest serving of beans ever.

 Another dinner. I wish we got pictures of us all dressed up (no not this night) but we were just so tired and full...

 Al was sick most of the time. I took this picture to prove that point. He was finished eating and there was still bacon on his plate. :( it was really quite sad.

 And here are some cute pics of Al and some ugly pics of me in Cozumel. This stop was fun too cause we found a nice fresh water pool and a beach right beside eachother to spend all day in. Oh and a blow up park out in the ocean that was free!! (no it wasn't)

 Ok here's us in Miami....last day of the trip. I LOVED MIAMI ALMOST MORE THAN EVERYWHERE WE WENT.

A pretty tree. We found an outdoor mall and there were so many lesbians and good-looking people swarming around, I'd never seen anything quite like it. 

 Al at south beach. On our pamphlet that they gave us about Miami it said if we went to south beach we could see celebrities such as Gloria Estefan, Shaquille O'Neil, Ricky Martin, and Sylvester Stalone. They sold us. We hopped on the first bus there.

And there's our trip! If you actually read this whole post, first of all, I am amazed you made it and second of all, we have an announcement that is happy for the people who live in Lethbridge but sad for people living in and around Saskatoon.

AL GOT INTO MED SCHOOL!!!! We are moving to Saskatoon in a few months. I'm sure I'll have some great stories to tell...and can't wait. We are bloody excited.

our house in the middle of a....drug bust!

At first thought of moving into our townhouse, I can't say I was terribly pleased. I'd only seen the place once, and it ended up being a drive by. Al's sister lived here for a while but when we came to see them, they weren't home.  My houses growing up were always in new developments with brand new houses with potted flowers and window shutters and trampolines and connecting back yards that all the mormon kids ran around together in. So, needless to say, this place looked like a hole. But then once we got inside and came here a couple times, I decided it was going to be great. It's got a lot of room and is clean and nice and we're really quite comfortable here! I love our home.

I knew right off the get go that our neighbors were treats. Special treats. Every day when I would come home, the two neighbors on our right side were sitting right outside their door (since that is the only place to sit that is on your own property) basking in the sun...and they had been there the entire day. Dale had his shirt off and was the color of a walnut and the texture of an elephant and Susan had her orange spandex dress on with her hair slicked back. This was the same. Every. single. day. They are both on AISH and pleasant as plums and love to say hi but nothing else every time I walk in my house and also love asking for favors.

Susan is my favorite. We can smell anything and everything she does in our stairwell (and the rest of the house) but really good in the stairwell. She likes to smoke and also likes to burn her stinky food that she makes for her and her dogs. One day we heard smoke alarms going off and went to shut them off thinking they were ours. Turns out they were coming from the stairwell. So we waited like 10-15 minutes, and I figured I should send Al over there since I started smelling a nice disgusting smokey smell wafting in. So Al knocks on her door, and here comes Susan....one smoke detector under her right arm and one in her left....still beeping.
"just wanted to make sure everything was ok over here..."
"oh ya, just burnt some food"
"......."
(gesturing to the smoke detectors) "these should go off in a while."

She's the best. Another incident:
Knock on the door.
Alan opens the door..."oh, hey Susan!"
"could you shovel my walk for me in the morning?"
"..sure!"
"I can't get out of my house."
Susan climbs through the snow back home.

We also, right off the get go, noticed that our other neighbors a few doors away had LOTS of friends. New, different friends every day. Most of them 20-something grease monkeys just getting off work from their blue collar jobs. Everyone has a key. And if you don't, all you need is the mail box to get your friendship fix. But mostly, walk up to the house, go in, stay for two minutes, get your friendship, and go home....happy as ever!

As you can imagine, they are all quite friendly. And we really do love it here.

But a few nights ago, the top story in the Herald was a shooting.....involving a cocaine bust. We see the picture in the paper and, wouldn't ya know it, that's right by our house. Like, our house was almost in the picture.  A legit, straight-up shooting right across the street from us. Our neighbors, upon questioning, referred to our neighborhood as "the projects" and "livin in the slums"

I feel pretty legit now (and BA enough to use the word 'legit').....like I've seen everything. "oh yaaa, this one time...pretty much right outside my front window...I saw a man shoot a guy....right in the face! I saw the whole thing!"

I guess it's a good thing we have to move soon. For now, I'll just keep my pepper spray on me at all times...like I was already doing anyways due to extreme paranoia.

PS the guy that got shot is ok. No need for panic. But he really DID get shot....and we really did sleep through the whole thing.

Whatevs, You Guys

Hey there. 

I am just soaking up the sun and the Easter holiday today. Or whatever it is. I think Monday is supposed to be the Easter holiday. Well I guess Good Friday and Easter Monday are holidays so we should get them both off, but ya can't have your cake and eat it too...oooor CAN YOU?

We got up and ran 11.5 miles for marathon club this morning. And 11.5 rounds up to 13, so I just basically ran a half marathon. WHAT UP. Running is kind of a good time. I think the only reason I enjoy it is because I'm in a club and I never got to be in one growing up cause I was such a queer so now I am making up for that and being really cool in a club with a bunch of old guys with broken hips that can run faster than me. Anyways, here are some tips for running from one of the best shufflers out there (that's a better description of what I do, don't think I can really call myself a runner):  

1. buy lots of over priced and color-of-the-season running clothes so that the only excuse you have to wear them is to go running and so you have to go
2. don't expect to ever buy boots cause you officially have huge, muscly, manly calves
3. make sure you are super interested and intrigued by nothing at all, i.e. cracks in the side walks, garbage stuck to the fence, what people are doing in the privacy of their own homes in front of the window, the shape of the girls (or guys?) butt running in front of you, etc etc etc. 
4. have your husband have chocolate milk, a smoothie, bagels, chocolate, pasta, peanut butter sandwiches, Nutella toast, and really any other carb in the house laid out on the counter for when you get home...and make sure you eat all of it so that you never lose any weight from your run.
5. don't ever stretch. 
6. don't make goals for yourself. Just randomly start to run, run somewhere, and run back home. Don't look at the clock or try and beat someone in the club, just run. It will keep you nice and motivated. 
7. And listen to this song the entire time your entire run...

In other news, I decided to make use of my sewing machine and ended up making a decently hideous skirt.  See below. 

Best worn with your ugliest, oldest shirt.

It's got pockets and everything. I might wear it sometime when nobody is looking. Or maybe to the wedding we go to tonight just to prove a point and say to everyone "I can wear whatever I WANT!"

We were priviledged last weekend to attend the great and magnificent Riverdance. Ok seriously you guys, it was so fricken sweet. I could have sat there for three days straight watching them dance and sing and fiddle and play the bagpipes. Never seen anything like it in my life. And I'd like to say that I've never seen a goofier picture of Dixie in my life either, but she does that in all her pictures. We tried to get her to stop...so now everytime we get the camera out she acts normal until the LAST second and then pulls the big eyes out. Nobody really knows why.

Me and J enjoying the festivities! I love my mother and my sister almost as much as I love Al, but sorry guys, not quite. But still, a LOT!

Wad Of Pics

I've got some pretty good news for everyone today.....drum roll please. This blog is getting even better than it already was. WAM! Impossible, You say? Well aren't you naive. I know that the pictures I post on here are already exquisite and beautiful beyond all compare, but believe it or not, it's about to get better. Al recently (weellll actually like kind of a while ago by now) purchased an iPhone 4GS....complete with like more pixels or something than my phone and a flash and a little button that makes it so you can flip the camera and see yourself when you are taking a picture. Ya, none of this crap 3GS thing I've had going on. Things are getting pretty serious around here. Now the only thing left to do is get working on my tinawildephotography.com webside. It's gonna be HUGE.

So without further ado, all the pictures we have taken in, like, the last 4 months:


This one time I bought this really super long T-shirt from Superstore as a nightee and then went swimming at the Ramada. Next thing you know, I look like a Psych Ward admittee.

Then this other time I left Al home to fend for himself one night, and I receive message on the phone encompassing this picture. I threw up a little...or maybe a lot..in my mouth. He swears he loved it. Those are not hot dogs, they are breakfast sausages, for the record.

You know when you can see the mountains really good, so you try and take a picture with you in it and turns out you can't even see them at all in the picture? And also, you know when you take a picture with your left hand, unaware of what your right hand was doing at the moment? Yaaaaa....I don't know.

Al just YESTERDAY explained his smile to me. I can't count the number of times I've mocked him and other times screamed at him to "stop making that fake smile". He apparently cut his lip doing something in high school....ummm crap don't tell him but I don't remember what he said he was doing when he cut it......maybe I actually have heard this story before yesterday. Anyways, he cut his lip and now his initial smile turns crooked. So he tries to pull the left side of his lip down, making it look incredibly forced. So, whenever you see this smile, he really is genuinely happy, I swear.

A terrifying knee face. Artist: yours truly.

Takin a lover's walk across Whoop Up. We love you Lethbridge, but please let us not be living in you in a few months!

We took a little trip to Sir Scratchewan a couple weekends ago. It is sad when you consider being in Saskatoon for 4 hours and then Edmonton for like 5 a relaxing holiday, but I guess that's what us full-time employees gotta live with (I was clearly not made for working). Everyone kept telling us how excruciating the drive to Sask was going to be, but somebody's crazy cause that drive was gorg+beaut+fant. All shortened words for AWESOME. This blue bridge was my favorite part. We were in a hurry so we couldn't stop to take a picture, but being the photographer I am, the pics turned out great. I think the rock chip in the window adds all kinds of character.

I'm still mad at myself for not turning on Long Gone Sasatchewan by Corb while we were driving, but it was a little high stress on the way there. I had to help Al practice interview questions AND stay awake at the same time so we didn't die the whole drive. Be impressed, cause I did it.

The thing I enjoyed most about the drive was probably the 50 of the raunchiest, most run down gas station bathrooms I have ever laid eyes on and also peed in. Seriously, oh my gosh. Holy crap. I have never experienced such filth. I still didn't line the toilet seat with toilet paper or squat though. I guess that means I belong in Saskatchewan.

But also, the town of Alsask was pretty good. No, that doesn't say Alaska. It says AL-SASK. Took us about 13 minutes to figure that one out. So as we were pulling out of another putrid gas station, I decided to google map where we were. You guessed it, we were smack dab on the Alberta/Saskatchewan border. Really creative, finder of Alsask, real creative.



After being treated like Kings and Queens by Branny Pants in Edmonton, we drove home. And it was my birthday so we got to stop at Olive Garden. I also bought myself this new outfit. It was my birthday, shout hooray!

Why is this the first time I've seen one of these? Doesn't take a genious to know that I need at least 5 packets of ketchup every time I have fries. Five packets combined into one? Yes please!
And we all know I'm ALL FOR being sexist, but shouldn't this be upsetting more people?

Yes, we take all sorts of fun and interesting pictures around here. We are just snappin em left and right. That is quite literally all I've got in my photo library. I DO own a nice little Canon digital thing, but it either ends up in one of the random baskets of the house, the junk drawer, the utensil drawer, or the dish rag drawer, and every last one of those locations hides things very well....so good thing Al's iPhone is so rad.

Pervs

A handful you may know that when I laugh and think it's funny, it tends to be excessively and unnecessarily loud. And it's usually involving something inappropriate. And now, I present to you....what got the best reaction out of me today.



PS I think my blog has developed a fatally chronic disease. And you know what happens with those. But we'll see if I can pick up my game. It's kind of sad when you get too lazy to sit on a computer, but it's happened. All I ever feel like doing on here is posting SNL clips anyways...and me and Jen and Derick seem to be the only people left in the world who still watches that. What the HECK YOU GUYS.


Ok more later....maybe...?

Little Girls, Little Girls

I was having a little bit of a day today. Daylight savings is actually seriously gay and so is working early shift the day after dalight savings. If you don't count the time change, I was up at 3:45 this morning. So I was in a mood all morning. Alan was scared. I didn't get much done at work and a certain someone was being a tad bit too loud and giving me a headache. On top of these things that aren't really even bad but just seemed kind of bad...ok..., I had to get needles in my gums and pay a grand to sit in a dentist chair and get my face drilled off. POO BAGS.

But then guess who I saw?



I am in love with this little girl. Whenever I'm on my way to Jen's, I go at least 20 over the speed limit cause I am just way too excited to see her. She hugs me and cuddles with me and picks me first to take her to poo on the potty....which is obviously deemed a significantly high honor. Today she sang me a tune while I played the piano. Man alive, that kid!

So me and Dix took her to the merc today to pick up some chocolate. We said hi to gramps and were walkin around when I saw my mom-in-law! So I went to talk to her and Chloe was just suckin away on a sucker being adorable when I heard Dix yelling at me that she was choking. She was red in the face and her eyes were tearing up and she seriously was NOT breathing. I lost my mind. I do pretty well in high-stress situations. I did about five 360's and held my hands on my cheeks with my eyes and mouth as wide as possible (Home Alone) while I'm pretty sure Dix did the same thing. As I ended one of my turns, I see my mom-in-law doing the Heimlich on her. Oh darn, should have thought of that. So she started sputtering and coughing and eventually said Tina a few times. She then proceeded to throw up for about 20 minutes in the middle of the isle while we caught it with napkins and also while I gagged my brains out. Anyways, she was fine. And DJ saved her life while I spun in circles.

It scared the heebiejeebies out of me and I was glad all Jen had to see of it was Chloe saying "I bawfed mom...I sick mom...." when we got home. The poor chum!

I just love that little girl like a whole freaking lot. She is the number one reason I have a hard time with the thought of moving away when Al gets into school. Sure, there are plenty of other reasons, but she takes the cake. You certainly know I absolutely adore and crave Ash and my boys, but Chloe just absolutely made my crap-fest day wonderful today.

LOVE YOU CHLOE BUTT FACE!!!! (Jen can you tell her I said so? Thanks)

Hi. Remember Me?

Yes it has been a month. But in my defense, February is a preeetty short month. If you round it down, it only counts for like two weeks. So you have to forgive me because it has been a slight bit of a busy two weeks. I finally decided today..."you know what, I am going straight home after work (oops already didn't do that) and am sitting on my fat lazy butt all night until I fall asleep at 8:30 trying to help Al study". So I thought of the things I could do while sitting. I came up with blogging, painting my toenails, ordering myself a birthday present online, staring off into space thinking about nothing, putting music on my iPod, picking at my hair, picking at my eyelashes (these are my favorite habits ever), and waiting for Grey's to come on. I can pretty much guarantee you that I finish this post and fall asleep until Al shows up to wake me up wherein I get him to throw in a frozen pizza and stay awake just long enough to eat and then fall asleep again. Best day ever.

Anyhoo, I guess I'll just give ya a little go round of what we've been doin.

Backing up about a month or so, I had the best day of MY LIFE. I get really hyped up about idiotic holidays like St. Patty's Day or Easter or Valentine's Day. I think it all stems back to the time when I lived with my mom and she always bought me presents on these days like it was Christmas or my birthday or something. Yaaa, no big deal but you wish you were me right now. Or I guess you wish you were me a couple years ago. So naturally, I was in a good mood on the 14th. Me and Al told eachother we loved eachother like 45 times via texting and we had all sorts of chocolate and cake and chocolate cake at work. And I freaking WON the raffle prize basket. Once again, you shuld have seen the look on my face. I absolutely lost it when they brought it to my desk. I felt like I was on some sort of talk show getting randomly selected for a trip to the Bahamas or a car or something. I was in hysterics (the good kind). After about 10 minutes of being a complete and utter spaz about it, everyone went back to work and I felt like a pretty good idiot, but in the end, it was still a hella sweet basket.

Look at those goods! I even got to keep the basket!

Then Al shows up with PURDY'S chocolates and a stuffed Pepe Le Pew who says all sorts of ridiculous things like "oh my golden girl, you are my corned beef to me, muah muah muah, I am the cabbage to you MUAH MUAH MUAH" and "it is love, love, love at first sight! No? Is it not? No? Yes?" It's funny, I swear. And I slept with Pepe for a week or so just cuddling him in between me and Al. I have no idea why, I just felt like it OK!

Then I think we went out for dinner or something. I really can't remember...it was like two weeks ago.


I think this was on V-Day too. A love bird that actually liked us and didn't chomp at our fingers. It was presh. Ok, he kind of chomped, but it was the kind of chomp that really meant something, ya know? I know what you're thinking...."Tina, just get a freaking pet already and stop bothering the poor little animals at the pet store every 10 minutes!". Relaaaaax, you guys.

I bought a shirt the other day that changes color in the sun. It's really neat. I picked it up in the store and tried it on and it was that nice poopy brown/beigy color that I love. I was pretty excited cause it hung out far enough that I actually forgot about my gut every once in a while. So I threw the little number on this morning. At work today we had a fire down the hall from us and so had to be rushed outiside (you shoulda seen the look of terror on my face) and it was a miracle cause the sun was out. So I am just talkin with my peeps or whatever and I look down at my shirt and would you look at that? It has turned itself a hideous shade of shiny lilacy purple. So don't go to Gap and buy this shirt. Unless you like the color purple, which I guess is cool too...?


So I still hate working, if you wanted to know. I don't want to directly say I hate my job, because I don't THINK I do. But it's hard to tell with all the negativity I feel to being employed interrupting my thoughts every time I try to decifer how I feel about my actual job. It's an ok job. Just, sometimes I get a headache. And sometimes I want to go do something else rather than work. And sometimes I don't want to start working on the weekends. MAN. I've said it before and I'll say it again, who invented women having independence? I want to be treated like the useless house wife that I am, please!

Another thing that happened was Al got some interviews to some med schools! Biggest turn on EVER. Of course, they are in the same weekend and of course they are both like 6-8 hours away from us in opposite directions. So, I'm thinkin we have ourselves a little road trip on our hands. I've been trying to help Al practice for these interviews, but I just get so tired, ya know? Pretty much every night it has been us sitting in bed with me holding the timer in my hands while Al puts every effort in his bones into answering the question. And then you look over, and there's little old me hunched over snoring while the timer slowly escapes my grasp and slips out of my hands. Heaven knows why he picked ME to marry.

But when I pop one out real soon here, it's going to look like this. So that's pretty much the best news I've ever heard.



I can't get enough of this picture. Al's g-ma Beaz gave it to us in our Christmas card and I turn to it oft for a quick shot of happiness. Ok and I'm not pregnant just planning on having 35 babies cause babies are awesome. You'd want 35 too if you played with Ashley for a minute and a half and also if your husband looked like that when he was little.

Remember that one time I made new years resolutions? Well, you'll be impressed to hear, I'm sure, that I'm following through. I have been runnin my chunky legs off for months, and they seem to remain chunky. Puh. What gives? Oh, maybe it's that 50 pounds of chocolate I put away in a week. Wooo-hooops. I am signed up for the Calgary half and am not looking forward to it at all but AM looking forward to Olive Garden after.

And as for my first real calling....oh, my dear sweet little Sunbeams. I was a tad bit anxious going into this thing as I get quite upset and angry with children very easily (I yell at Chloe more than J does) but guess what? My Sunbeams don't make noise. I sometimes wonder if they breath. I have five to die for little 3 year olds in my class and they sit there and listen about 78% better than I do. I am convinced they also know more of the answers to the questions than I do too. Yup. I sit there during sharing time and avoid the teachers eye contact hoping she won't ask me anything. There's me, just hanging out in junior primary not knowing any answers. Al says it's time for us to get one of those picture scripture books so I can learn all the stories. He doesn't understand that I'll just forget them in a week and be back to drawing blanks. When I got the calling I told the prez that "this is perfect! I was just hoping for kids that weren't smarter than me!". Well, that didn't turn out real great, did it? JK, I'm mostly joking, Sunbeams is perfect for me. I mean I do know who Jesus is and what my dad's name is, so I think I'm keeping up to the kids pretty ok.

And my last and most exciting update by far: me and Al are going on a TRIP. A cruise to be exact. We start in Miami and go to four different islands and eat whatever we want whenever we want and act like fools if we feel like it for 7 days! It is our postponed-by-one-year honeymoon! We leave on our anniversary and don't ever come back cause I'm moving to Florida.

TO FINISH, I will leave you with my recent doppleganger discoveries:








Ok maybe the anteater one is a little harsh but I couldn't help myself cause it's on my mind everytime I watch her talk! Sorry Britta!